Come What May

29 May 2009

Dear Sweetie,

It’s been long since I last wrote for you here. I’ve been too hurt about the things that happened between us. I’ve always seen you as the perfect one for me. I don’t know if you’re aware of it. But in just one second, everything seemed to crumble. And I find myself lost with my dreams shattered.

In fact, I felt awkward now in calling you “Sweetie”. You’ve been using that endearment to other girls now. When before, when I was teasing you along with another officemate, you got annoyed on me for having calling another one that endearment. It was meant to be exclusive… WAS.

I was so happy yesterday when you bothered to chat with me when you were online. Just to keep tabs and see how I was doing. At least you still cared for me… Even though I know that you still felt bad about me.

I still very much wanted to explain and defend myself to you. I just don’t know if you’ll listen and believe me. So, I’ll just be silent for now. And try to recover.

The pain you brought me too is starting to lessen as time passed by. Acceptance. I know I couldn’t do anything about it. I’ve grown tired of crying (but yes I still cry) and decided its time to move on.

I’ll always care about you… You’ll always have a special part of me… Of my heart. I’ll always love you. I’ve accepted that it will be that way since you are one man who played a very huge role in my life.

I’m not certain what will happen to us. If you’ll find another or if I’ll find another. What I just pray right now is that we start to forgive ourselves and each other. We start to be friends again like the way we were before there was even “US”.

I recall that you once told me of the “Come what may” relationship. Something wherein you don’t expect what will happen anymore. That you let things be. Let things move the way they should. And if you’re meant for each other, then you are. I thought it was a crazy idea. But now, I shall be embracing it.

I’m not letting you go but I’m not keeping you for myself too. It’s maybe hard to understand but let me put it this way… You may do whatever you want and not bother that I’ll go mad about it. I promise not to interfere in your affairs. BUT. But, I’ll always be here… hoping and waiting for the time you’ll come back.

Yet if that time doesn’t come, I’ll still accept it that you are no longer for me.

Much love,
shiveringbluestar

 

Still Hoping

27 March 2008

Dear Sweetie,

I’m still hoping that everything will be alright. Please bear with me… You know how painful it is to accept everthing.

Just always have patience. Stay with me.

Only Yours,

shiveringbluestar

 

Promises are meant to be kept

15 February 2008

Dear Sweetie,

PLEASE keep your words.

That’s all.

Yours,

shiveringbluestar

 

Valentine BLUES

01 February 2008

Dear Sweetie,

It will soon be Valentine’s Day again and you’re not here. Not that I’m expecting us to celebrate it, it just feels different that you’re not here. It will be the second Valentine’s day we have that we’re apart.

In all my life, I haven’t had someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with.  Surprised about that? It’s true. No one has ever given me chocolates, flowers, or anything on that day. And I’ve gotten myself used to it.

I don’t know why but perhaps I’m expecting that this year’s going to be different. But maybe, I expected too much. You can’t be here and I feel so sad about it.

I terribly miss you…

Much love and longing,

shiveringbluestar

 

Miss you in the morning and ALWAYS

06 July 2007

10:00 a.m. (actual time)

Dear Sweetie,

I woke up this morning and looked for you. Silly me. It must have escaped my mind that you went home last night. Or perhaps, I am just so used to having you beside me.

Well, I’m here in the office struggling not to fall into a slumber. Yeah… like you, I can’t sleep last night too. It was almost three in the morning already when my eyes finally got some rest. Now, I feel so cozy and I wish you’re here for me to hug.

I thought of making a coffee and I remembered you instantly. How you would sweetly smile and ask me to make one for you. I miss those times. And now, I feel lazy to make myself a coffee. I’d rather make one for you than for myself.

I miss you. It’s like my day is not complete anymore if I don’t see you. You must have cast a spell on me huh? But I guess not.

You were right yesterday. I’m falling even more for you. I am so fascinated with the way you smile, laugh and sleep. I love to watch your every movement and marvel at your uniqueness. I can never really find another like you. 

Thanks for making my birthday special Sweetie… I really enjoyed spending it with you. I’m looking forward to spending my next birthday with you again. And how I wish that it will always be spent with you…

Only Yours,

shiveringbluestar