29 May 2009
Dear Sweetie,
It’s been long since I last wrote for you here. I’ve been too hurt about the things that happened between us. I’ve always seen you as the perfect one for me. I don’t know if you’re aware of it. But in just one second, everything seemed to crumble. And I find myself lost with my dreams shattered.
In fact, I felt awkward now in calling you “Sweetie”. You’ve been using that endearment to other girls now. When before, when I was teasing you along with another officemate, you got annoyed on me for having calling another one that endearment. It was meant to be exclusive… WAS.
I was so happy yesterday when you bothered to chat with me when you were online. Just to keep tabs and see how I was doing. At least you still cared for me… Even though I know that you still felt bad about me.
I still very much wanted to explain and defend myself to you. I just don’t know if you’ll listen and believe me. So, I’ll just be silent for now. And try to recover.
The pain you brought me too is starting to lessen as time passed by. Acceptance. I know I couldn’t do anything about it. I’ve grown tired of crying (but yes I still cry) and decided its time to move on.
I’ll always care about you… You’ll always have a special part of me… Of my heart. I’ll always love you. I’ve accepted that it will be that way since you are one man who played a very huge role in my life.
I’m not certain what will happen to us. If you’ll find another or if I’ll find another. What I just pray right now is that we start to forgive ourselves and each other. We start to be friends again like the way we were before there was even “US”.
I recall that you once told me of the “Come what may” relationship. Something wherein you don’t expect what will happen anymore. That you let things be. Let things move the way they should. And if you’re meant for each other, then you are. I thought it was a crazy idea. But now, I shall be embracing it.
I’m not letting you go but I’m not keeping you for myself too. It’s maybe hard to understand but let me put it this way… You may do whatever you want and not bother that I’ll go mad about it. I promise not to interfere in your affairs. BUT. But, I’ll always be here… hoping and waiting for the time you’ll come back.
Yet if that time doesn’t come, I’ll still accept it that you are no longer for me.
Much love,
shiveringbluestar
