16 January 2009
10:39 a.m.
Dear Dad,
I wish I have the guts to tell you all of these… But I don’t. That’s why I’m writing here hoping and wishing that somehow, one day, you’ll discover this.
Dad, my life is a wreck. I used to blame you and Mom. But now I don’t. I realized, it’s my fault too. Your daughter has been so stupid. And now, she is stuck. Stuck in this whole set-up without any possibility of escape.
Dad, I feel like my days are numbered. I have a disease that does not have any treatment. No cure. I didn’t know how I got it. I don’t know what to do. This illness has also driven away the man I love. He fears that I might transmit it to him.
Dad, I feel so sorry for myself. I want to feel your embrace and comfort. I want to hear your words of assurance. That everything will be alright even though they won’t be. I need you Dad…
Dad, I can’t have a family. The man I love can’t be mine. He belongs to someone else. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. I feel so ashamed.
Why does these things have to happen to me Dad? Why can’t I be happy? Why can’t I have a happy family? A complete one? Why does my son have to experience some of the things I’ve been through?
Sometimes, I so wanted my illness to swallow me and end my life already. I don’t want to hope anymore. But whenever I look at my son, I feel guilty. He needs me. And I don’t know if I could stay strong for him.
I love you Dad… Always have and always will… No matter how angry I was to you before.
I need you Dad. I need you to understand me. I need you to help me get through all these…
Love,
shiveringbluestar
January 21, 2009 at 10:45 am
Some things happen to us for no logical reason at all. What we see is but a three-dimensional plane. There’s a bigger picture that’s at stake in life. We may not understand it now, maybe never, but rest assured that things will eventually fall in to its rightful place. Keep in mind that life is 10% circumstances and 90% reaction. Most importantly, always remeber that God is seldom early but He is NEVER late. Things will work on its own accord. You just have to have full faith in Him.
And I’m pretty sure that you have your friends around you. In the event that you cannot count on those around you, you can always look back. Maybe the one person that you need to be with is just a step behind you, watching you and waiting for you to come up to him/her. Maybe all you need is to go back a step behind, turn around, and seek comfort from that person. It’s hard to extend help, compassion and comfort to anyone who does not ask for it. It may be a big leap of faith for you, but it could be worth it. The person you need might just be a step behind you.