Shivering Blue Star

22 June 2007

2:30 p.m. (actual time)

Dear Mocha,

I’m on a diet right now. Yes, you read that right. DIET. D-I-E-T.

You might think that I don’t really need it but I want to. I feel so fat already. I miss my body way back when I was in high school. Those curves and small waistline. I can’t wait to have them back.

Don’t worry dear.  I’m still eating. It’s just that I eat less rice and I don’t eat at night. Well, I eat at night, but crackers and biscuits only. i don’t drink much Cola too. They just make my tummy big. And of course, no beer for me too. (You probably know my other reasons for this)

I’m turning 22 my friend and I want to change a lot of things in my life. Losing my fats is just one of them. I got so many plans and I am acting on them one at a time. Slowly but surely.

Yeah, I realized that I’m not getting any younger so I have to fix my life. It’s now or never, girl. I want to be BETTER person. And not someone who is BITTER.

Well, just till here, friend. I still got lots of things to do here in the office. I hope you are doing fine yourself.  Always take good care, ok?

Yours,

shiveringbluestar

07 June 2007

4:00 p.m. (actual time)

Dear Sweetie,

I terribly miss you….

It has been three days already. I still got cough and colds and you still ignore me. Not that I’m craving for your attention because I’m sick. I can bear all the physical pain my Love… All kinds of illness Sweetie. But I can’t bear living a day without your presence.

I am still here in the office as I am typing this and from time to time, I glimpse at my mobile phone on my left side.  I am still hoping that you will send a message. Even just a simple “Hi.” But my Inbox remains the same.

I don’t feel like going home Sweetie… Our room is so empty despite the fact that there are lots of things in there. I need you to be there. I need you to light up again the cold gloomy nights in our room.

But I want to go home right away too. Wishing that I’ll find you in our room, waiting for me. You would greet me with three quick kisses on my lips and ask how’s my day. then I’ll answer you and stare at your sweet smile. And all my weariness are gone.

Sweetie, I know that you are so hurt and you are probably still angry with me… I’m so sorry… I wish I could do something to take away all the anger and pain you have right now…

I’ll wait for the wounds to heal Sweetie… I’ll wait no matter how long it takes… no matter how painful it could be…

I love you so much Sweetie… I miss you so much…

You are all I want to be with me.

Love,

shiveringbluestar

05 June 2007

(actual time)

Dear Sweetie,

Again, I’m so sorry for what happened last Saturday. I hope you’ll find in your heart to forgive me… You mean so much to me and I can’t afford to lose you.

Sweetie, yes, I am only 21 years old and I also commit the common mistakes of my generation. But, I’m still different from them. I learn from my mistakes. If only you will give me another chance… I will prove to you my worth.

It is not true Sweetie that you are just a ‘Solution’ to my problem and that you are now my ‘Problem.’ You were my friend before you became my lover. And I really appreciate how you cared for me during those times when I was down and brokenhearted. I was vulnerable that time but I didn’t let my vulnerability to be the reason why I should enter again into another relationship.

When I fell in love with you,  I know in myself that I’m entering the relationship not because I need you to fill in something missing in me. But because, I love you and I want you.

Sweetie, I know we’ve been going through this rough road together. Please… give me another chance. You are all I love and its only you that I see in the future.

I can no longer picture my life without you…

I love you Sweetie and I always will… I’ll do anything and everything to keep you with me…

Miss you a lot,

shiveringbluestar